You know you spend your time trying to move on, trying to make life work in your favor and truthfully sometimes people get lost in this action. Consistently trying to run towards the unknown. There is absolutely nothing wrong with running towards the unknown and one never really has much of a choice with that. Really life comes at you whether you're ready for it or not. You know what really is eating away at me this Christmas season, all the stupid things i've done in my past. You see i'm a big advocate of learning from one's mistakes and finding that lesson that should make the next time easier. I really really HATE hindsight...forget all that could have been if only you KNEW BETTER!! Life doesn't work that way and it sucks but unless you've figured out how to see into the future we have no real recourse. So I repeat, I REALLY HATE HINDSIGHT!!
You know you go through life trying to do the right thing but what makes that exceedingly difficult is one's own inexperience. It's sad that we have to EXPERIENCE things before we know how to react and truthfully we'll never really know everything and sometimes before we know enough it's too late and we're at the end of the road. How is that supposed to be useful then? You spend the rest of your days thinking about how you'd do things differently if you'd known better. It's a bitter sweet pill to swallow. So here is the million dollar question: how do you stay on course and still make it work??? We spend an entire lifetime trying to answer this question, some people focus too hard on it, others don't even think about and others still know it's there but have decided that there is no use for worrying about it, thus they don't bother and keep moving forward. I like those words, KEEP MOVING FORWARD. I saw it first on "Meet the Robinsons" really good Disney animated movie, good message. You know what I say when I need to Keep Moving Forward?? SUCK IT UP!!! I say this for school, for work, but never for relationships. Why? Because if you have to SUCK IT UP in a relationship you may as well not be in one.
It's Christmas eve and I'm in my room alone thinking that i'd like to be out and about and yet still not willing to get up off my arse and make a move. I'm looking at a photo album I NEVER look at and I'm seeing how my past has unfolded and you know what?? It's not so BAD!! I've done stupid things I wish I would change and lost people I wish I hadn't but it's all apart of life and frankly there is nothing I can do to change the idiocy of youth and lack of knowing. Sometimes you just have to remember it's ok to fail and try again. If you've tried again and to no avail well at least you tried, it may not be enough for some but just remember, you have control of your life only. No one else can live it for you and most important, you CANNOT bend anyone else to your will. People have Free will and exercise it everyday. Sometimes I wish i could change the minds of the ones I love but I can't, people need to do what's best for them and sometimes that means you have to leave.
So live, learn from the loss and make a better attempt next time because i'm here to tell you, there is never a perfect person, perfect relationship, perfect life; we all have problems, issues, concerns, wishes, hopes, dreams, fears and regrets and i'll be damned if those don't get bigger as we get older. The real test is how you choose to deal with it. However you do, do it with pride and with the best of intentions. This rambling has been the jumble of my thoughts for days, I've had a headache behind all that i've lost and can't regain but hope at all that is to come. So reminisce if you must but don't wallow, there is nothing wrong with remembering but everything wrong with wallowing.
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