Monday, July 2, 2012

Emotions: A beautiful thing but sometimes hard to handle

I always advocate for living in the moment, feeling everything good or bad. I absolutely believe this is the epitome of living. Proof that we haven't become numb to all that life can offer. But I've also got to say, the bad feeling can be overwhelming, sometimes making you want to override what your head tells you is the right course of action. How much can one person take before they say no more? Is it wrong to cut someone off if they don't fit into your mold or live up to expectations? How many chances do you give before you say enough? For me, I've learned enough to know my limits...but sometimes i wonder if i'm being too harsh at times. I don't allow anyone to play games with me, the moment they start I kick them out. The ability to remove people from my world is one I do very well, though in this current instance I have reservations. Should I be moved by tears? I guess I am a push over. Doesn't mean I'll be taking anymore BS, just for the sake of normalcy and no tears. Sigh my friends think i'm being too soft, my mind says i'm being me...my body says..she feels too good to let go...but my heart says she's not even remotely worth my time.

How do I find a compromise among all these different voices? I have already made my decision and currently I am sticking by it. So what is my problem really? I think it's because I haven't felt much of anything for anyone in so long that I have latched on fiercely to this emotion. Both the good and bad about it make me feel alive. Imagine that, i'm overflowing with thoughts and feelings and all of a sudden I need to unburden. These are the moments when i write..when I feel. Oh wow..I guess I've been going through the motions for quite some time now haven't I? See this is what I fear...not realizing that everything I do means nothing deep down to me. I don't wish to live like this... so yes I welcome this moment of emotion because it reminds me to wake up and go find more moments like these.

We all want to find love, from our family, our friends, and anyone else in-between if it matters to you. For me, I just need my close friends, a lover and whatever family I choose to be close to me. I think i'm finally ready for a lover, partner, confidant...someone to call my own. I guess i'm ready and i have yet to choose the right girl LOL or she hasn't chosen me yet. Either way, when it rains it pours :).

So feel people feel because without the bad you can't appreciate the good. Sometimes we have to hurt to really know we are alive and right now I am annoyed and a little jealous (go figure) but sticking to my guns. Crazy woman...be gone. :)