You know I think I'm supposed to be jealous or something if an ex ups and marries someone else within 4 months of your breakup. Actually, I think, well damn that's actually pretty stupid and good riddance to that stupidity. I'm usually so VERY picky about the women I date but my friends implored me to be a bit more open minded because otherwise this chick would have been nixed from the get-go. Let's see, where did this pairing fail, well from the very beginning actually. She never fit the bill for someone I would actually be attracted to, she was WAY too violent, never to me though, I made it very clear to her. She got it. Her arguments were ridiculous and truthfully after a while, I would get a headache whenever she was around.
I think I need to stop being so damn nice, taking her past into consideration, giving her a chance to grow. Here's the thing though, people only change if they want to. Like I said before "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". And trust me, she didn't want to grow, she wanted to wallow in her unfortunate circumstances and let it fester. This is the thing that really turned me off. Can you imagine someone, who weighs 130lbs telling you her goal is to be over 300lbs. This was her ideal weight; in a society where people are dying to be 130lbs, this chick was actively trying to gain ridiculous amounts of weight.Yeah I know right, crazy....But hey crazy doesn't end there..how about this little gem.."Beds are for old people...I only want to have sex outdoors" I mean who says that? Well ladies and gentlemen I now KNOW people who say stupid things like this. Don't worry exercising these ridiculous people from my world post-haste.
Now I've dated a number of women, they've all been different as expected but similar in other ways. I mean after all they were dating me, so something similar had to be there. I like certain qualities in the women I find attractive. Let's see: strong characters, independent, confidence, oh that gorgeous head of hair. I do so love hair. These are merely a trifle among that which could define a woman I find attractive. Though the opposite can be true, only one thing may draw me initially. One thing so powerful I could not deny the pull if my life depended on it. That my friends is what I haven't experienced in years. You know I felt that pull once maybe 3 years ago. I had gone to watch my best friend play tennis and there was this gorgeous girl playing on the next court. I, of course, started a conversation with said woman to first hear her voice and second ask her to be my friends tennis partner. I backed off as my ex came into the picture, not wanting to hurt her feelings. I left those tennis courts without that girls number and I've got to tell you people, I had to fight myself to not go back. The PULL was so strong, so compelling. I felt like I was making a huge mistake if I didn't go back. I didn't go back and to this very day, everything else feels dull. Like I lost something REALLY POTENT and I don't know how to get it back.
You see it's all about choice and living with the consequences of those choices. I chose to be considerate and let me tell you it was the wrong choice for me. Every time I am considerate, someone takes it as a sign of weakness. The sad thing is, this is ingrained into my being. I would like to be more selfish and do as I want. Then you jump into another can of worms, if you're selfish, you're an asshole; if you're considerate, you're too nice and you're taken advantage of. I mean is there a happy medium for this? I think not. So you know what, enough. I'm just gonna do me and forget what anyone else thinks. In the end, only you can live your life for you and you damn well better make it a life worth looking back on.
So what am I saying, I'm saying find a way to be happy with you, because once you have that you can have anything else you like, within reason of course. You know that once you step outside of that which you can control, yourself, all bets are off. Have fun with it and don't work with absolutes. Absolutes make liars out of everyone.
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